Be An Ally
Sexual Assault is a very traumatic experience—victims need support, but often friends and family members are unsure how to bring comfort. We don’t have to be afraid to help. Here are a few suggestions for responding to someone you suspect may be a survivor of sexual assault, rape, or relationship violence.
Be a good listener.
Listen and be patient- it will take time. Remind them it wasn't their fault. Let them know you are there if they ever need to talk about their experience, but do not rush them. Also, ask before you touch them. Don't assume that physical contact will be comforting to a victim, even in the form of a gentle hug.
Believe her/him.
Believe them unconditionally; people rarely make up stories of sexual assault, rape, or abuse. It is not necessary for you to decide if she or he was "really hurt." If the victim says they were, that should be enough.
Reassure her/him.
Avoid "why" questions, as they often sound blaming (e.g. "Why didn’t you yell?") Instead, point out what the individual did to survive, or the ways they can take care of themselves. Assure them that they did not deserve to be violated or hurt and that they did not cause the violence.
Respect the individual's privacy.
Don't tell others what she/he tells you. Let the individual decide who to tell and when. Encourage her/him to seek support and assistance from others.
Be there.
Provide ongoing support for the survivor and help them develop safe support networks. Healing can be a long process.
Provide support without taking over—Let her/him have control.
After being assaulted, many survivors want to feel like they have control over their life, so don't force issues, simply restate concerns. Encourage the individual to explore her/his options and support the decisions she/he makes. Let her/him know what resources are available and help connect her/him with these resources if she/he chooses.
If she/he is willing, help connect with resources.
Encourage your friend to consider reporting the assault to law enforcement authorities, and seek counseling. Offer to give her/him a ride to a hospital, and stay or call someone she/he is comfortable with because the exams can take an emotional toll. Remind her/him that counselors have experience dealing with these issues and support the individual is she/he decides to make the call.
Take care of yourself.
Hearing about sexual assault, rape, relationship violence, and other forms of abuse can be upsetting. You may feel scared, angry, helpless, and/or sad. Remember that the support resources available to people who have experienced sexual violence are there to support you as well. Feel free to contact them.